my friend jase just texted me and told me the next baptism opportunity is 4/9. now the question is. what do i do? yes or no?

Getting baptized will be one of the biggest decisions in my life. but doubt has its footprints stepping all over my heart. I doubt my faith, my genuine naked faith for the Lord most high. When I am stripped of everything, what will the remains of my faith look like? Weak, strong? Probably very weak. But then again, I’m only a weak Christian with a mighty strong God. Oh how I yearn to seek your face and know you God. with an honest love.

And getting baptized is a public announcement of your faith. And I dont want to make that public announcement when people are only going to see sin in me. Especially my parents, who are nonbelievers. They won’t understand grace and faith, and the whole meaning of being a christian. To them, being a christian is doing good works. Thus to them, I am not Christian. I am selfish. I don’t listen. I don’t honor. I don’t try. I don’t love. I am selfish. I don’t want them to see me step up onto that alter and then think that all christianity is is being dunked under water and then calling yourself a christian. I want them to see in Christ in me. But that won’t ever happen. I will mess up in life. That’s why I need a savior. I AM A BROKEN SINNER! its not anything i did, not anything i CAN do that i can call myself christian, its not about me at all, its about God and his grace. i cant DO anything to make myself any better a christian. i call myself a christian because JESUS DIED FOR ME. because the son of God took on the wrath of God for me. that is the ONLY reason why i call myself christian. i can’t step onto that alter and be baptized when my parents! when they dont understand!! this is a matter of life or death. heaven or hell. eternal rejoicing or eternal burning. I cant just be baptized when im such a terrible TESTIMONY at HOME. what kind of christ do they see in me? christians are the reason why my mom doesnt believe. because christians sin and mess up and are hypocrites. GOD I PRAYYY!!! GOD PLEASE! I am WEEPING to you right now God begging you to move in my parents lives please God! I cant become baptized showing my parents the wrong image of what a christian should be, God i dont know i cant bring myself to, god, my family means so much to me i cant give them the wrong message God. please help me God, i am weak. so so weak, God. i cant do anything God, i pray that you work in their hearts and soften their judgement against me. and i pray for sanctification God. i know if doesnt come overnight but i need strength God, and to be continuously reminded of the gospel so i can live it out daily to my family. God please help me. For when i am weak you are strong. God please let your strength shine through me. I dont want my baptism to be an act of defiance to my parents. I want it to be an act love, and act to bring you the most glory. God. please, i pray in your holy name. Amen.